


I must go in, the fog is rising.

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, harry is mentioned like once lmao, i guess, im bad at ths, just a lil drabble guys, sort of, they kiss whoah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-04
Updated: 2013-05-04
Packaged: 2017-12-10 08:54:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/784194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes every fiber, every being in Louis' body not to break down right then and there. He holds his breath and moves his eyes even farther away from Nick's face so he doesn't have to see the way his expression drops. Fucking fuck, fucking hell.</p><p>or</p><p>Nick and Louis fight a lot, but Louis doesn't really want to forgive him this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I must go in, the fog is rising.

**Author's Note:**

> yoooooooooooooooooooooooooo
> 
> this was literally written in an hour and it's awful lmao. i haven't published tomlinshaw in awhile though, so here y'all go. don't be too mean about this, i know it's shitty.
> 
> like i didn't even beta this
> 
> i promise i have something longer, better than this coming up so keep ur eyes peeled ladies and gents
> 
> title is, apparently, Emily Dickinson's last words. so u know, credit to her.

It's almost too dark to see anything, besides the shadow of Nick's face reflecting off the porch light. It's dumping rain, and the roof doesn't cover the top of the porch, so the older male is drenched head to toe in rain. He looks completely and totally miserable, and for once, Louis feels triumphant.

That feeling doesn't last, though, because before long, the guilt sinks in, which is ridiculous. Why should he even have a smidge bit of guilt? Just because Nick was standing on his front step, looking like a sad, lost little puppy, doesn't mean he should feel bad for him. No, he refuses to feel bad for an asshole. If Nick hadn't left in the goddamn first place, he wouldn't be standing here right now.

Neither of them speak. They stare at each other, only a few feet away from touching. Louis' jumper is covering his wrists, and he's clutching the door handle, almost like a warning; he can close the door at any second, Nick can't stop him.

"I'm sorry." Nick speaks first, and his voice is croaky. Good, Louis thinks. You should be. "I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry." His voice is shaking, long, slender fingers twitching to find something, anything, to grab onto. 

"We've done this before, Nick." Louis whispers, closing his eyes. This scene has happened before. They fight. Nick leaves for a few hours, then comes back, begging for forgiveness. Louis let's him back inside, they kiss and have sex, and repeat. It's exhausting and heartbreaking and to be honest, Louis wants a break from it all. He isn't sure if he wants to spend no time with Nick at all, or spend all of his time with him, and it's so frustrating. He just can't handle the fighting is all, he can't handle someone coming and going so constantly.

"It's the last time this will happen. Please, I promise. God, I promise with everything I have." Nick's voice has raised, he sounds desperate. Louis does not open his eyes, because he knows the look that will be on Nick's face, and he can't stand to see it.

The rain is pounding down harder, and it's getting his shirt all soaked, but he doesn't really care. He doesn't want to shut the door and keep him out forever, but he also doesn't want to let him in anymore. When he opens his eyes and sees Nick's staring right back at him, he almost loses his balance and his breath, all at once.

"So you're looking for another chance, is what you're saying." Louis keeps his voice as monotone as he can, focusing his gaze right above Nick's head, at the street in front of them. The street lights are flickering, on and off, on and off, and he wonders how many times Nick's mind is flickering, on and off, on and off.

"Not just another chance," Nick whispers, and when Louis' curled fingers tighten on the door handle, like he's about to shut it, Nick's arm flies forward to rest on his shoulder. Louis wants to tug and pull away, wants to tell Nick to shove off, but he doesn't do that. He stands still, ignoring the way his skin is heating up beneath his shirt. "But another promise, Lou. I don't want us to have this weight hanging on us, you know? A weight of what might happen in the morning, because we know nothing is for certain. I want a certain. I want a certain between us." 

It takes every fiber, every being in Louis' body not to break down right then and there. He holds his breath and moves his eyes even farther away from Nick's face so he doesn't have to see the way his expression drops. Fucking fuck, fucking hell.

"You didn't sound like you want a certain when you were saying all we were doing was having some 'casual sex'," Louis says, bitterly, and it's the first time he's spoken, really, without his voice shaking and breaking like a crying little kid. 

It's true that in the beginning of, whatever this was, it was plain old casual sex. But Louis wasn't dumb, and neither was Nick. There was something beneath the touches when he traced his fingertips over Louis' skin, something in the kisses late at night, that were more than just horny lips wanting friction. It's more than some friends with benefits shit, and they both know that. Louis knows this, but when he overheard Nick talking to Harry just a few hours before, he took it to heart, which was never a good thing when Nick was involved in the problem.

"Babe," Nick sounds lost, his voice softer than normal. He tries to move his fingers up to curl around the base of Louis' neck, but Louis wiggles away, out of his reach.  


"Don't call me that." Louis says, as harshly as he can, though his voice is quiet. He wants Nick's fingers to curl all around his body, wants Nick's voice to be his lullaby and morning wake up call for the rest of his life, but Nick takes a step back, when all Louis wants to do is pull him five steps forward.

"I know it'll be tough, but Lou, I can see you right now, yeah? You're breaking, and it's. It's right before my eyes. I can't handle you dissolving right in front of me when there's something I can do to stop it." Nick's voice is louder again, due to the fact he's more into the storm. Fuck, is all he can think, Nick's gonna get sick. He'll get a fever like he did a few months before, and Louis will end up taking care of him. Unless, Louis realizes, he doesn't let Nick inside again. Then that would be someone else's job.

"This is the last time." Louis whispers, closing his eyes once again. He takes three shaky breaths before opening his eyes to meet Nick's. "This is the last time I'm letting you in, you hear me?" His voice is cracking and breaking, and he feels his stomach churning with every breath Nick takes. For a moment, Nick is silent. Louis' not sure if he didn't hear, or if he's registering the information in his mind, but then he's flinging himself at Louis, gathering him all up in his arms and pulling him out into the rain, and they're hugging, and he smells so nice, so familiar, like the certain Nick was talking about, and it's hard to remember why kept him from coming inside for so long. 

They're kissing, then. Kissing with their bodies instead of their tongues, holding each other with their minds instead of their arms. Louis feels as if a million different pieces of him are shoved back into place. 

Nick is making him wet, and when he tells Nick this, Nick laughs into his hair and whispers, "That's what she said," and maybe the moment is a little ruined, but that doesn't stop Louis from laughing a little, too.

And so they're still standing out in the rain, and they're still kissing, and Louis' not sure why he forgave such an idiot, and Nick's thinking why he left this idiot in the first place, and they're laughing into each others mouths, because they almost lost each other. 

Louis' not sure he's ever come that close to losing Nick before, and it's making him uneasy how, if anything had changed a moment ago, Nick could be gone from his life forever.

But he's not gone. For now, he's standing here. He's standing here with long limbs wrapped around a curved body. He's standing here with his lips attached to Louis' own and when the rain starts to slow down, but the temperature only get's colder, it doesn't discourage them.

And for once, Louis feels triumphant.

**Author's Note:**

> yo
> 
> feedback if this didn't suck 2 much ok ily all
> 
> tumblr: judgementdays
> 
> ~he whispered into my ear  
> as i broke down  
> 'maybe it's time  
> to end this war'~


End file.
